


A grief that can't be spoken

by bittermaia



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen, Genivosa Hawke likes to take on responsibilities not their own, Grief/Mourning, Leandra Hawke's A+ Parenting, Self-Flagellation, mentally speaking that is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:40:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28404156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittermaia/pseuds/bittermaia
Summary: “It’s not your fault, you know.” The thirteen-year-old told them, her voice far more stubborn than Carver’s own. “I know you think Bethany’s death is all your fault but it’s not.”“You told me that it’s okay to cry.” Aemilia continued, breaking through their thoughts. “I think your own words should apply to you too.”Genivosa shook their head and plastered on a smile they had learned to perfect. The smile of a parent reassuring their child that they were not hungry or in pain or heartbroken. A smile they distantly knew should not be theirs to make.And still, they made it.“I’m fine, Aemilia.” They replied, their voice wavering for a moment. “It hurts a bit, but not as bad as mother or Carver is hurting.”“And you’re not?” Aemilia replied, her brows furrowing. “You’re not here to fix the world, Genivosa. No one put you in this world to fix it. You’re just supposed to be!”In which Genivosa Hawke has another sister who they practically raised and hears words that not even their mother will admit.
Relationships: Hawke & Original Hawke Sibling(s)
Kudos: 1





	A grief that can't be spoken

**Author's Note:**

> My first Dragon Age fanfic and it features two OCs. One is a diplomatic Hawke that suffers quietly since that's how a good child acts and one that sees through everything and just wants her eldest sibling happy and comforted. I'm really proud of this and I hope you guys like this! Please don't hesitate to comment!

Genivosa felt...blank.

Well, their body ached from all the running they had been doing and their strength was flagging by the time they got aboard the ship. But emotionally speaking, they didn’t know what they felt.

How were they even supposed to react to the fact that their younger sister is dead and that their mother and brother blamed them?

For the time they spent in the ship, Aveline had tried to speak to them, but they only replied the automatic response they felt was appropriate as they followed the necessary social cues before they grew quiet once more, distant from their own family.

Well, almost all of their remaining family.

Aemilia, their youngest sister, had been insistent on laying her head on their lap whenever night struck. They were aware of their mother trying to coax Aemilia to sleep by her side, trying to make her stay away from them and they only responded by trying to shut the world out. 

But time and time again, Aemilia surprised them by laying her head on their lap, asking for them to weave fairytales from nothing once more. And as always, they complied by telling them of gold-fleeced sheep dancing with star-maidens and forest kings under a blue moon. They could hear Carver scoffing from a distance but they focused on Aemilia’s focused gaze, both mirroring one another in appearance just like Carver and Bethany had. Running their fingers through Aemilia’s hair, they smiled faintly as they finished their tale before leaning down and planting a kiss on their younger sister’s forehead.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with all this.” They told their sister, trying to keep their voice low so as to not alert their companions’ attention. “If there’s a way I could remove that memory from you so you won’t deal with the trauma I would.”

Aemilia looked carefully at them in response before she sat up and pulled Genivosa into a tight embrace.

“It’s not your fault, you know.” The thirteen-year-old told them, her voice far more stubborn than Carver’s own. “I know you think Bethany’s death is all your fault but it’s not.”

Genivosa knew better than to argue against their youngest sister. They taught Aemilia all they knew in the art of debates, after all. Instead, they just tried to let out their grief, their self-hatred, the blame that crushed their lungs and heart, their mother’s spite and their brother’s resentment through slow breaths that they learned to teach themself. The breathing they had discovered helped make them forget. Even for a moment. That all problems must be fixed. And all heartaches must be healed.

And that if no one stepped in to do such things, then  _ they _ must be the one to do so.

“You told me that it’s okay to cry.” Aemilia continued, breaking through their thoughts. “I think your own words should apply to you too.”

Genivosa stopped their controlled breathing and they pulled away from Aemilia’s embrace. Eyes far wiser than their age should dictate looked back at them and for a moment, they wondered if it was their fault too. Trying to prevent the onset of tears, Genivosa shook their head and plastered on a smile they had learned to perfect. The smile of a parent reassuring their child that they were not hungry or in pain or heartbroken. A smile they distantly knew should not be theirs to make.

And still, they made it.

“I’m fine, Aemilia.” They replied, their voice wavering for a moment. “It hurts a bit, but not as bad as mother or Carver is hurting.”

“And  _ you’re _ not?” Aemilia replied, her brows furrowing. “You’re not here to fix the world, Genivosa. No one put you in this world to fix it. You’re just supposed to  _ be _ !”

Genivosa was silent at Aemilia’s outburst before looking over to where their family and other companion was at. They were thankfully asleep, or at least they hoped that they were. Returning their focus on Aemilia, they noticed frustrated tears in her eyes and they smiled reassuringly once more. It was a wretched lie on their part, another thing they should not have done but did anyway. Another hurt inflicted even if it was well-meaning.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Genivosa said, voice wavering between giving in to their own grief and heartache and the forced serenity they had always projected. “I know I should just be here, being me. But Carver needs help in dealing with the family, I don’t think Mother can work. Not after…” faltering at their fallen sister’s name, Genivosa took a quick breath. “Not after Bethany. We all need to band together at times like these. I’ll be fine.”

“You always say that.” Aemilia retorted. “And then sometimes I hear you crying when you’re overwhelmed. Sometimes I wake and see you curled up in a corner, trying to shut yourself up while you cry or your breathing shortens. Sometimes, I hear you telling yourself you’ll be alright and that you can do this because you’re the only one Mother relies on to provide for the family. Sometimes I know Carver makes you cry and you still smile and tell him nice things. I’m not stupid, Genivosa, I know you’re hurting. Why can’t you let yourself hurt?”

Silence answered Aemilia. Genivosa only proceeded to kiss the crown of their sister’s head once more before sighing.

“You’re right. But what can I do, Aemilia? If I’ve managed fine thus far, I think I could handle it until we’re stable enough to breathe again.” Looking at Aemilia, they gently pinched their sister’s nose. An old habit that became an unspoken ‘I love you’ for the siblings. “For now, I just want to make sure you, Mother and Carver will be okay.”

And if, when they all got to Kirkwall, Genivosa had become far more serene and distant in their disposition towards everything, then no one was the wiser. After all, for Leandra, it was her eldest child doing their duty to the family. For Carver, it was his elder sibling taking the lead and casting their shadow again. But through it all, Aemilia Hawke could only keep trying to catch her Genivosa’s gaze, hoping to see beyond the false tranquillity they projected to appease their family.


End file.
